Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Angry


Got angry today. Angry like I haven't been in a long while. Angry so much that I yelled, no I screamed at a another person. Well that was after he called me an @#%hole and said some other things. I didn't cuss back but instead I rather angrily and loudly told him enough and not to cuss at me like I was his son. I don't like it that I can get this angry. I wish that I could have put up longer with this guys annoyances and insults.

I still get angry. It's ok. I just have to be careful how I act and what I think on when I am angry, so angry that I want to scream, so angry that I truly and physically hurt inside.

This is a part of me. This is part of my letting myself be more completely known by you. I am ugly and scary when I am angry. Watch at your own risk.

track with co.mments

19 Comments:

At Wednesday, May 17, 2006 1:59:00 AM, Blogger Becca said...

You know what's strange, the same thing happened to me yesterday. A man came up to me (who I didn't know) and asked me if I was a Christian. I told him I was and then he told me he was an atheist. He asked me a bunch of questions about Christianity and then I preceeded to answer, but then he told me that since I didn't let him talk I was condenscending.

I felt like I wanted to shove my foot up his "you know where." I know that's not very Christ-like of me. But I'm being honest. Then, he put his hand in my face and told me that he didn't want to talk to me anymore. I cried for about an hour after that in my car.

I felt so horrible, like I did something wrong. I asked God why I was put on this earth and why he needed me as a witness if I wasn't really good at witnessing in the first place.

It disturbed me for about a day, but then I talked with many of my friends. I kept telling my friends that he was a--hole, which I'm sure wasn't very Christ-like either, but I felt mad. My friends told me not to worry and that I did nothing wrong. I hope that's the truth.

But anyway, I can understand why you're mad. I often ask myself "How can somebody be so mean to me when I really did nothing mean to them?" It's not like I killed their dog or anything.

I hope you feel better. You seem like a compassionate and caring person, which is why I think this person upset you a lot. I'll be praying for you.

With love in Christ,
Becca

 
At Wednesday, May 17, 2006 8:52:00 AM, Blogger Mary Beth said...

I've always had an anger streak in me. When I was a teenager I used to throw "hissy fits" - screaming explatives, hitting walls, slamming doors and crying.
I don't have those anymore but I still get angry. The day to day anger is at computers, drivers and sometimes politicians.
The stuff that really scares me is only after I've been really hurt by someone. Hurt enough to feel "righteously" angry. And I've been hurt enough to say that it's ok for me to be angry. The scary part is what I've done with anger. Haven't had this kind of anger in a while. I can tell you this, I don't miss it.

 
At Wednesday, May 17, 2006 9:18:00 AM, Blogger Devlon said...

Wow, that startled me....caught me off guard.

Anger, such an interesting topic. What do we do with it? It is destructive and ugly but we can't keep it inside. It's so powerful, raw and can sometimes be very motivating. I try to use my anger to give me fuel when I need it.

I can be a angry person, I fight it a lot. It seems I have a fair amount of rage just beneath the surface. I don't know why, but it's there....maybe it's there in all of us, just deeper down for some.

As responsible people we feel we need to do something with the anger since we can just be freaks and let it roam free. But it is a part of us human, like it or lump it.

I ride my bike, peddle like hell, or hit the gym to burn it off, to release that pressure valve sometimes.

I wonder what else we could do with it? (too bad we couldn't harness anger for energy....the energy crisis would be a thing of the past, that's for sure)

Thanks for this Anthony. It's a topic I am all too familiar with.

 
At Wednesday, May 17, 2006 10:05:00 AM, Blogger Erin said...

Sorry you felt so angry :( Being angry is never my favorite emotion to feel. You are right though, being angry is OK. Remember, even Christ got angry. It is human and people deal with anger in all different ways (some deal with it in better ways than others). I've found it's never helpful to suppress it and pretend it doesn't exist. Thanks for being transparent as always and letting yourself be "completely known" :) AARGH!! :)

 
At Wednesday, May 17, 2006 12:45:00 PM, Blogger Dennis said...

Oh man, you should see me when I'm driving in traffic. It's so easy to get angry. It's really scary when you can see that you've passed this trait down to your kid.

 
At Wednesday, May 17, 2006 1:28:00 PM, Blogger JuanFalla said...

jajajaa... nice shout at the end. It SCARED ME!!!!!!
I hope eveerything better today....

 
At Wednesday, May 17, 2006 10:18:00 PM, Blogger Killer B said...

Wow...that scared me too, and not just because it startled me.

My therapist says anger is totally normal and something I shouldn't fear or dislike. I tend to agree because all emotions are human, natural, and part of who we are. We don't like them, but I find that the more I try to run from my emotions, the more they take over. So when I get angry now, I let it ride. I do something productive or at least I work with it.

I'm usually only angry when someone hurts my feelings, like MB (I mean that I'm like Mary Beth, not that Mary Beth hurts me!). I'm angry that they hurt me and that I feel so badly because of them. Maybe you're feeling some of that.

I do think it's something we can all work to process more effectively, but I hope you don't beat yourself up for it. Erin's right - even Jesus got angry. He threw all that stuff around the church that time peddlers set up...oh, he got MAD. I think as long as it comes from an organic place, it's ok. If you watch slasher films and wanna kill people, that's a problem. If someone hurts you, it might be more of a problem if it didn't bother you, you know?

 
At Thursday, May 18, 2006 9:50:00 PM, Anonymous Bill Streeter said...

Anger is engergy. It's important to know what to do with it and how to use it for something positive. This video is a good example of that.

 
At Friday, May 19, 2006 8:49:00 AM, Blogger amy said...

hi anthony. i'm just learning how to express my own anger appropriately so i understand where you're coming from. i've had a problem in the past with repressing anger because i hated the idea of it so much, but it would come out eventually - usually in a fierce verbally volcanic way. i recently recorded a conversation that shows my own anger and included it in our "faith" broadcast (see www.radiowednesday.blogspot.com).

i am learning that just beyond the anger are the tears. it's amazing to break through that wall, let those deep feelings from our old wounds come on out, and then hand them over and let God heal them.

thanks for having the courage to share this side of yourself. the heavens cheer for you today.

 
At Wednesday, May 24, 2006 10:57:00 AM, Blogger Fancy Laces said...

I've noticed that you have 3 blogs! that should make you really busy...:)

Flora

 
At Saturday, May 27, 2006 1:31:00 PM, Blogger Jasmineflower said...

Hi i have just come across your blog. My sister has anger problems, she got help, but now doesnt express herself when she is angry, i think its best to let it out.

 
At Sunday, May 28, 2006 4:24:00 PM, Anonymous kevin Buckstiegel said...

oooo, very nice, had to turn my volume up and then AAAAGGGHHH :) Woke me up!

Some people hide their anger, good to see you don't!

 
At Monday, May 29, 2006 10:29:00 AM, Blogger Johnny's World said...

hey antny....it's ur cuzzzzzz=).stop being angry.it dosen't become you.although, you do have a rather wicked side.try commuting 2 hours each way/everyday w/ other #$@holes and their views on driving.besides, isn't ur truck bigger than them anyhow??? lol!!!be good.talk 2 ya soon!!!

 
At Monday, May 29, 2006 10:36:00 AM, Blogger Johnny's World said...

by the --------COOL VBLOGS.i like the scary scream

 
At Friday, June 02, 2006 10:19:00 PM, Blogger Lonely Heart said...

Don't think you are ugly for getting so angry. Being angry isn't bad; it's just part of being human. If you don't like how you express it, however, then maybe try different ways. Whenever I get angry I write or draw. You're normal, I assure you.

 
At Wednesday, June 07, 2006 12:30:00 PM, Blogger Lonely Heart said...

Thank you.

 
At Thursday, June 15, 2006 9:10:00 PM, Blogger P Ditty said...

haha, that was..neat.

Very well done. Your anger is my inspiration.

 
At Thursday, June 22, 2006 10:38:00 PM, Blogger dltq said...

going through vlogs at 5:31 in the morning, should be in bed 6 hours ago, but reading more, watching more.

i liked the text in this. the voice-over. the angry outburst at the end.

sometimes I just wish people could do more of this: show all sides of themselves. i guess the problem arises when you develop these different persona for different arenas. you have three blogs yourself? i know how that is, i have spaces myself. spaces for different audiences. anger - is anger something i want my family to see? friends? strangers? business clients?

dig deeper, open up, work with it, and move on. i really liked this vlog entry. quite simple, Very effective.

 
At Sunday, June 25, 2006 10:49:00 AM, Blogger Carl Weaver said...

Yeah - anger is a scary thing. I have found that it becomes really bad when I don't express it but that when I do express it, it is hard to do that in a polite way. Both sides of the coin are problematic.

The Dalai Lama gave a talk about overcoming anger through patiuence. I know you aren't a Buddhist, but if you can strip away the Buddhist parts it really is quite practical.

Peace be with you.

 

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