Tuesday, July 11, 2006

He is real.

Sometimes I struggle to live out those things that I say I believe. Faith is simple but definitely not always easy. Today I am a bit under the weather with a cold. I am tired. And I have had some difficultly this week really living as I believe I should. I want to keep on fighting this fight in faith. Honestly every day is like this in its own ways. I guess the last few days have just been a bit more of a reminder. But it is good these are the things I must experience. I am sure they will grow me. I can be thankful for that, even though now things may seem difficult to endure.

Sometimes I am a bit weary about putting things up on my vlog regarding my beliefs. I don't want to be like that. These pages are my journal. I know others view them but really they are mine to use as I please. This entry on this electronic page is open for others to see but really it is for me. It is a record of a of my life, of who I am, of what is important to me, of what I experience and something I felt should be documented and preserved.

track with co.mments


At Wednesday, July 12, 2006 12:12:00 AM, Blogger Erin said...

Hey Anthony. Thanks for being so open and transparent. It looked like you had been crying. I think as Christians, we would be fooling ourselves and others if we didn't acknowledge and admit that we all have these moments. We are human. This video made me think of an oldie but goody by Steven Curtis Chapman called Weak Days Keep on keeping on. Praying for you!

At Wednesday, July 12, 2006 2:09:00 AM, Anonymous deb said...

You are always transparent, always honest, and always inspiring . . . thank you for reacing out in an effort to be "completely known"

At Wednesday, July 12, 2006 7:16:00 AM, Blogger Climbing for Christ said...

Won't it be great when that day comes when we are finally free from sin and can worship and fellowship in spirit and in truth without sin? I'm looking forward to that day, but until that day comes... walk in the Spirit.

keep working out your salvation.

At Wednesday, July 12, 2006 3:48:00 PM, Blogger Laura said...

I find it so refreshing to see this. Because sometimes I feel like Christians where this mask that we try to show the world that we're perfect, and in that we lose our humility (thank you for humbling yourself for this vid). But also, it makes me struggle, because my life isn't even near perfect. And over this past year, I have been struggling more than I ever have.

Thank you so much Anthony! I will be praying so hard for you. And I want you to know that this video helped me! :)

At Wednesday, July 12, 2006 7:55:00 PM, Blogger Gena said...

Hmmm, don't know if I should comment or not. I'm not a Christian. Not Jewish, Muslim or follower of any faith. Seems in recent times faith is a badge to an exclusive club. Also if this is a page in a journal then don't read this - keep writing/recording.

I have a one-to-one relationship with God because I've run into some humans who give God/Jesus a bad name. I don't want anyone standing between me and my faith. I wanted to say all that before I offered my comment.

I came to my faith the hard way. I see and experienced my faith as a relationship.

I've have always talked to Spirit as someone I love. I fight, laugh, rest, rebel and give thanks when I remember. I try to do on a daily basis.

If I hold to what I know is true then Spirit loves me no matter what I have done, where I have done it or if I even know that what I have done is wrong. I generally catch up to it. The love is constant - it can't be taken away. The connection is constant. I'm not much for sin. Seems to me like it is a tally card of just how rotten humans can be. I do the best I can. Some days are better than others. Spirit knows and adjusts accordingly.

Knowing that helps me move through the day and into dark nights of the soul.


At Thursday, July 13, 2006 2:19:00 AM, Blogger Chris said...

The struggle is what makes us human.
Isn't that what Gethsemane was all about?
And the cry from the cross?

Struggle and suffering appear inescapable in this life. They do not visit us as a function of our choices or failures. If God were an active agent, clearly present in the lives of the faithful and righteous, more people would be faithful and righteous. We wouldn't need to talk about faith, because we'd have found certainty.

Those who appear to never doubt are lying, or simply not paying attention to their own lives.

Keep on.

At Thursday, July 13, 2006 3:18:00 AM, Blogger Lan Bui said...

It is good you made that reminder for yourself.

You have a great video blog, and it must have been harder to post something this personal than you show.

At Saturday, July 15, 2006 11:52:00 PM, Blogger Dave H. said...

I'm proud to know you, brother.

At Tuesday, July 18, 2006 5:15:00 AM, Blogger Dooser said...

There, to me, appears a disconnect.

Why must one work to convince/remind oneself of his or her beliefs?

It seems very non-sequitur.

Are beliefs something that is ingrained in someone's thoughts thoroughly, and indefinitely? Or are beliefs things that slightly fade away from time to time and we must remind ourselves of them? If this is so, why do we remind ourselves? Why must we? Perhaps beliefs should be things that take no reminding...things that just are, there is no second-guessing.

This is something I think everyone struggles with.

Promiscuity or not? Do I accept it in other people? Would I accept it in myself? Is it really something I disagree with, or is it something I've ingrained in myself because it serves other purposes? Protection?

I've been working, myself, to create true beliefs, true opinions. True meaning universal, undoubting. Right now, I can admit that I do not know, fully, my opinion or one thing (ie promiscuity). And I am comfortable with this.

At Wednesday, July 19, 2006 1:59:00 AM, Blogger Mav(eric)k said...

I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Colosians 2:1-3

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Epesians 6:10-12

Also read Hebrews 12:4

At Wednesday, July 19, 2006 11:00:00 PM, Blogger Killer B said...

I made a decision today that I came to for academic purposes but so obviously applies in all that we do. As videobloggers (though we are other things first), we use this medium to solidify our identities. I think you should use your space as you see fit, Anthony. It is yours, and that's the whole point. As we go through life, we all have these moments, spiritual or otherwise, and we use them to find ourselves for that moment. Then we change again and find a newer self. That's the whole point, right? We grow and move through this life, and when we record it - vlog it - we preserve that struggle and that victory. It can help us better understand ourselves and each other, which is a huge part of this community. I hope you will not be too hard on yourself. Everyone has those days - even those weeks, sometimes years. I don't want to minimize your battles, but being honest with yourself is the biggest accomplishment, if you ask me. I hope you feel better soon.

At Friday, July 21, 2006 12:57:00 PM, Blogger missbhavens said...

I have the deepest respect for people whose religious faith is so deep and so sincere that they can freely admit that it can still be a struggle. No one is perfect, and there is great humility in being able to admit that staying on one's chosen path can be hard sometimes.

This is your journal. This is your record of what makes you you. Don't be wary. It's okay. Just be you.

At Thursday, August 03, 2006 6:45:00 PM, Blogger Luckyykid said...

Sometimes it can be difficult to believe in someone that you can’t see, or touch, or hear with your ears. But I think it’s good to struggle and to question, because it causes you to go out and seek answers. And when you find those answers, your faith is reaffirmed and it is stronger than before. Matthew 7:7

Faith doesn’t have to be blind.

At Tuesday, August 08, 2006 12:17:00 AM, Blogger Rachael G. said...


Wow... I am so glad that this is your first video I will be commenting on. I greatly admire your bravery and brutal honesty in posting this footage.

It's also incredible for me to see that so many other b/vloggers have offered up prayers on your behalf and left scriptures. I'd love to add a few of my own, but I think I'll e-mail them. Naturally, I will also put your name before the Lord now too.

What I do want to say is this: Continue to press on. Let God use you. Specifically, let Him use you through your vlogging. I don't think you realize how many people you are touching through your courageousness.

I've actually been going through a similar situation in the past few weeks; the need for reminding myself daily that God IS real. It makes me feel better just knowing I'm not the only one who needs to give myself these reminders.

So, thank you.


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